Stages
by XxXimaxX
Summary: Shizuo has to work through accepting he lost something important.


That Bastard.

Initially Shizuo had been relieved. He and Izaya finally had it out, he won and didn't even become a murderer doing it; though for a minute there it had been close. He was on cloud nine. He seemed to have infinite amounts of patience and things were finally peaceful. It was a much-needed break.

Then he was anxious. The more he thought about it the more he became convinced that couldn't be the end of it. There was no way Izaya was going to leave it at that, cockroach might have been a better nickname for the flea. He would defiantly be back and worse than ever. The memory of Izaya's 'Sayonara' niggled at the back of his mind but thinking about it made Shizuo insides clench so he pushed it aside and opted for the sound logic that Izaya couldn't have possibly really left; he was just laying low -as he should.

Then he was impatient. Hurry The fuck up flea. After Shizuo had healed up from the confrontations he enjoyed his several weeks of peace. But once he realized Izaya had to come back he started losing his temper again. His anxiousness kept him on edge and without his usual outlet random thugs took the brunt of his temper. The antsy anticipation had been bad enough but now he was just ticked. Stop dragging it out and do something you inconsiderate fleabag. Shizuo was tired of waiting for it and just wanted to get on with chasing the bastard that made his life miserable.

But the weeks ticked by.

And…Nothing.

No suspicious attacks. No cackling madman.

Months passed.

No framing. No false accusations. No trying to get him fired.

Then his birthday passed and for the first time Shizuo realized that something was terribly wrong. Because every birthday since he met Izaya he had received an anonymous gift of something he really wanted with an insulting note attached to it- and evidenced that Izaya had done something foul. It was Izaya's favorite trick. Give Shizuo something he desperately wanted then make him so mad he broke it. But this year- Nothing.

Shizuo spent the day with friends laughing and drinking; secure and pleased with the knowledge that by the time he got back to his apartment there would once again be evidence of Izaya's existence waiting for him.

Proof that nothing had really changed.

But it wasn't there.

It wasn't anywhere.

The 'Sayonara' that had been haunting the edges of Shizuo's mind for months now resounded, echoing in his head.

Sayonara

Sayonara

Sayonara

No, that was stupid. Because if Izaya was really not coming back then that would mean either Izaya wanted to stay out of Ikebukoro or couldn't come back.

Obviously Izaya loved Ikebukoro; no amount of flying objects and death threats had kept him out before so why should the threat of Shizuo or anything else deter him now? It wouldn't. There. Plain and simple. Dismissed.

Which left the option that Izaya couldn't come back.

Ha. Ha.

Don't even joke about that.

No really don't.

Please don't.

Because Shizuo had dismissed that too. It wasn't possible that Izaya couldn't come back because that would give credence to his nightmares. Nightmares that kept replaying the event of that last fight highlighting the crushing of bones and the "Do it monster."

The nightmares that kept whispering to him that no human could have survived and that Izaya was really truly Never. Coming. Back.

Sayonara.

No. Absolutely not! Izaya was just messing with him. That made sense. Izaya had dedicated his entire life to messing with people- especially Shizuo. It was way more likely that Izaya was playing a long intricate mind game rather than he… was gone. So Logically, Izaya was fine, as much of an ass of ever and Shizuo could get on with things.

Thank you logic.

But, not giving Shizuo a present was kinda…well…cold? Not really the right word, but it was defiantly a little excessive. Shizuo was almost hurt. Maybe Izaya was actually mad. Shizuo was pretty sure he broke his arms this time, so perhaps he had reason to be ticked, did that make this some kind of silent treatment?

WELL EXCUSE ME! NOT LIKE YOU TRIED TO BLOW ME UP OR ANYTHING! OR RUIN EVERYTHING ELSE YOU EVER TOUCHED!

ARGH! Shizuo wanted nothing more than to give Izaya a piece of his mind.

Alright, it had been ages, If Izaya was just gunna sulk then Shizuo was going to have fix things.

Shizuo had avoided asking Shinra about Izaya because WHY SHOULD HE?! But, apparently it was up to Shizuo to be the adult here and bring everything back to where it was supposed to be. Izaya had learned his lesson about going too far and Shizuo had had his vacation so…

"Alright, Shinra where is he?"

Shinra looked up from his coffee that he was using to nurse his hangover from Shizuo's party the previous night.

"Where's who?"

"Izaya." Shizuo asked feeling that this was very obvious; who else was glaringly missing from their lives?

Shinra froze, watching Shizuo warily.

"What made you bring him up?" Shinra asked carefully.

"Well he's got to be around somewhere, but I haven't seen him since- you know- and I'm losing patience waiting for him to come out of the shadows."

"What makes you think he's around?" Shinra asked "Have you heard something?" Funny, Shinra sounded almost eager.

Shizuo snorted.

"No. that's why I'm asking you, so where is he?"

The gleam that had been in Shinra's eyes dimmed, he looked mournful. Shizuo didn't like it.

"What!?" Shizuo snapped.

"Shizuo… I haven't heard anything from Izaya since your fight…No one has. I haven't even been able to confirm that he's alive."

There was a ringing in Shizuo's ears. Panic constricted Shizuo chest.

"What? Of course, he's alive…"

"Shizuo…"

"I was there he was fine… he got away."

"Shiz…"

"HE'S ALIVE!" Shizuo roared. Shinra flinched slightly but kept his gaze steady, staring right back at Shizuo. Shizuo glared back, enraged but quiet. He spun heading toward the door. This was ridiculous.

"If he is alive, he is probably crippled." Shinra said rather coldly. Shizuo's hand froze on the door knob. "you maimed him pretty good on all accounts."

The sickening crunch of bones ghosted across Shizuo's knuckles. Shizuo's memory provided a sneering mouth dribbling blood. To much blood. Internal bleeding blood.

"I would have kept you updated on the total silence, His sisters don't even know what happened." Shinra continued mercilessly. "I just didn't think you cared."

Shizuo tore out of the room and raced toward Shinjuku. His comfortable denial crumbling as more and more facts piled up in his head all leading toward the same conclusion.

Shizuo didn't bother with the elevator. He reached Izaya's flat, deterred only for a moment by the locked door before kicking the damn thing down. He had to see it. He had to see Izaya's stupid pristine mega apartment with all his files and books and swivel chair.

It was as large as ever, easily recognizable from the layout and empty.

Completely empty.

Shizuo walked forward in a daze, not believing it. Not wanting to believe it. Irrationally he started looking. Calling Izaya's name. No one answered. Bathrooms, bedroom, closet, kitchen. All pristine. All move in ready. All without a single trace that Izaya had ever been there.

He took out his phone calling every number Izaya had ever taunted him from.

Pick up Pick up Pick up.

There was no answer.

"Sir, what do you think you are doing?" Shizuo whipped around to be face with a security guard and what looked like the property manager.

"Where's Izaya?" Shizuo demanded.

"Sir, I'm afraid you must leave the property at once."

"Where's his stuff?!" Shizuo raised his voice

The manager merely nodded toward the guard who made his way to Shizuo. Shizuo wasn't having it. Before the guard could blink Shizuo's fist connected with his face sending the poor guard into an unconscious heap. Before the manager could fully process what was happening Shizuo slammed him up against the wall.

"Orihara Izaya!" Shizuo growled. " 27 years old, 175 cm, about 58 kg. Pretty face, always wearing a stupid black coat with white fur trim. Was living here 6 months ago. WHERE IS HE!?"

The man sputtered his eyes wide with terror.

"Don't know." He choked.

"Where!?"

"Orihara-san broke his lease! Failure to pay rent, after we failed to contact him he was pronounced missing!"

"Where's his stuff?"

"Next of kin picked it up!"

"two teen girls?" Shizuo asked

"No, man. 40s. Looked Shady."

"White suit? Black hair?"

"No, he was bald."

Well dammit, Shizuo had no clue who that could be.

Shizuo let the man down relatively gently. He grabbed a pen and one of the man's business cards from his pocket.

"Name's Heiwajima Shizuo. You hear anything about Izaya or this 'next of kin' you call me, got that?" The man nodded.

Shizuo walked out of Izaya's old apartment. "Sorry about the door" He muttered.

Shizuo found his way to a park bench and sat down heavily. Finally confronting the dreadful facts he had been denying.

Izaya was missing.

Probably dead.

And Shizuo had no way of ever seeing the man again either way.

Sayonara.


End file.
